Why Is This All Going So Wrong?

Anyone who has read my books, or heard me speak, knows that I have closely studied the impacts of belief structures on our lives. Essentially, what we believe drives our lives by influencing our thoughts and actions.

The rules we now face are changing, but our subconscious beliefs around the way we relate in romantic relationships have not. And until they do, we will continue to experience significant distortions in the ways that we relate between the sexes.

Of course, not all relationships are dysfunctional, and a cohort of the fortunate few are good at it. But this analysis requires a degree of generalisation for any ‘joining of the dots’ to be of value.

So, what are some specific factors driving us apart?

• Essentially, many of us love from a place of fear and/or need, and relate with tarnished levels of love, because we have chosen our partners with preconditioned mindsets that don’t align with the energy of love itself. We often tend to pick partners who we think will make us successful, rather than who will bring us into joy and happiness. Success seemingly matters more than fulfilment in love.

• The most advanced romantic relationships are possible when both partners can cultivate and balance their masculine and feminine energies, individually and together. But how is this best done?

• We approach relationships in the energy of lack or incompleteness, rather than in the energy of abundance and wholeness, so we are prone to attach to people who we subconsciously believe allow us to address these perceived shortfalls within ourselves. But love is often lost in this mental construct.

• For centuries, men and women have been the victims of a system that has subjected romantic relations to a plethora of rules and expectations, rendering them devoid of high levels of true fulfilment. My book sets many of these out, so people can witness them, then consciously decide to accept or dismiss them. There is no judgement on my part, just points to ponder.

• We have been taught to expect true or unconditional love in our lives, without really knowing what that is, or how to experience it. This book changes all that, for those who want the ultimate romantic relationship.

• Many of us don't understand what our intended partners are seeking in relationships, to remain fully engaged with us. What are their needs and how do they change? Instead, we often relate out of assumptions, and from outdated paradigms of love.

• Our ability to love one another is limited, because we have been taught to live in our egocentric minds, and to love from the individual personality that they themselves have created, not from our hearts. How can two people who are not true to themselves, be true to each other?

• Our egos protect and project us to keep us safe, and to maximise our perceived level of success in all that we do. Our precious images, and concerns about how we fit into the world compared to others, directs the way we live and relate. And in this place of competition and perceived lack, our relationships can't help but become the mirror image of our habits of behaviour.

• We are prone to ‘think’ love, rather than ‘feel’ into it and listen to its wisdom. If love is a frequency, not a thought, how can we truly love without consulting our hearts about our relationship decisions?

• We are part of a culture that has forgotten how to love. We don’t teach people how to connect into the frequency of love, nor do we understand what the opposite sex truly seeks when it comes to love. Our school curriculums teach cerebral subjects, like mathematics and science, but not how to live the lives that we can love.

• When our relationships end, how many of us deeply reflect on why those relationships deteriorated, and how we contributed to their demise, then come back better able to love next time?

• In a society where self-awareness and self-esteem are impaired by our inherited conditioning, we have learned to treat our relationships, not as the way to meet our deepest desires for love and passion, but as a way of completing ourselves through a partner. If we aren’t happy in a relationship, we often assume that it is the other person’s fault.

• We are constantly rating each other, as well as relating to each other, in our need to find the 'perfect match’. Hollywood movies, love songs and fairytales have led us down this fantasy path. But do we give up too easily on partners, and walk away from our relationships, without fully understanding how we can consciously fix them, together?

• Much has changed in society over recent decades, with the force of feminism and new innovations such as internet dating and social media, and this has exposed many of the disharmonies that were always, and still are, present in how we relate to one another in love.

• Modern technology has made electronic interaction easier than ever before, yet we have seemingly never been so disconnected. I believe that we have forgotten the power of connecting to each other on an energetic level, not just through screens. Have we forgotten the difference between interaction and connection?

• Do we understand the force of polarity in romantic relationships, and how we can better manage such a dynamic, and that of sexual attraction to create wonderful and loving relationships?

• Finding peace and not conflict in a relationship is something we all strive for, but many of us struggle to do this. Unless we find peace within ourselves, we can never bring peace to a relationship with another.